Loss of a best friend

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Its sad to start my blog with this, but Taylor aka “Da Boob,” my chocolate lab has left a hole… I have lost people in my family, but with Da Boob passing, I feel like I lost a part of myself…  I feel like I grew into an adult with her at my side…

Taylor had a personality that was uhhhh… demanding, if she wanted you to pet her she would put her cold nose in your hand and push your hand back on her head… if she wanted you to scratch her back, she would back up into you until you did… and food, well she would never ever let you forget to feed her, when I woke up every morning it was a race to get her fed before she started  barking at me; forget about your morning pee… all while she is jumping around, soooo excited- she was always happy- Always.  Ive spent the last few days just thinking back on my time with her, she went swimming a lot.  She was such a good girl, but she did have a mind of her own, and when it came to water- she was gonna go for it!  I feel so lucky to have had her in my life… She taught me to be responsible, and she made me laugh all the time.   At times she would drive me up the wall, she had so much energy.  I got her when I was 18 and everyone kept telling me she would calm down- first it was after 1 year, then two then four… she never did, she was always excited and happy.  The sound of her doing her crazy excited tap dance when she wanted me to do something use to irritate me… she was always just…. so much.  I miss it all, and because she was “so much” my life has become quiet.  I have a hard time looking at pictures without crying- and I never cry…  Its hardest when i just think,  never again… but my mom says I will find myself smiling when I think about the silly stuff she did, looking forward to that.  I’m really happy she got to spend her last year on the road, she loved the Winnie.  While I drove she would lay on the couch or back on the bed and just watch the world go by.  My friend Constanze said most dogs don’t get to spend every second with their humans- I’m so glad we did.

The week before she died she kept wandering off, they say dogs do that when its their time.  I’m so glad she didn’t go off and die alone.  It was hard, she didn’t die peacefully the way I always imagined it would be for her, I thought she would just go to sleep and just not wake up some day.  I just keep remembering the way she looked at me, like she was telling me she needed air… and after a struggle that seemed to go on forever her body gave up she laid her head on my arm… I saw the sparkle in her eyes go dull.  Every memory I have of her is followed by this, and how hard it was for her- so I cant smile… I don’t know why my mind keeps going there.  Eddie dug her grave while I lay with her on the couch kissing and smelling the top of her head; I took deep breaths of her so I could try to hold on to her smell… Its already gone.

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4 Comments

  1. Robert April 15, 2014 at 8:35 pm #

    Linda,

    Let me first apologize for not writing sooner… I hope you get to see this. Your letter is one that has stayed with me… Every-time I go to the thrift store and do a passing look through the frames I think of your letter. Its a small world for sure! I haven’t responded, because I just didn’t know what to say. I wanted to say, “thank you, your response was taken to heart.”

    Hope this finds you in a time of happiness, or at least on the way to it;)

    Robert

  2. Linda Payne April 24, 2012 at 12:55 am #

    Hello Robert…as I read your blog notes about Taylor I sat and cried, especially at the end. I have a 17 year old Akita/Greyhound mix named Maggie that was a dog I rescued (deemed not adoptable by the agency and ready to be put down because she had been so badly abused) from a humane society in 1997. She was thought to have been about 2 at the time. She is still with me now but her frame is very thin as she doesn’t eat a lot anymore and her hips give her problems getting up after sleeping at night. This morning for the first time I had to literally hang on to her back end to get her out the door to go to the bathroom. She is a tough old girl and has been through so much and made it.

    Because of her advanced age, I, like yourself, want her just to go to sleep and not wake up. It’s highly unlikely that will happen but I keep hoping. She has been with me through my divorce and tons of trials and tribulations. She is the rock I could always count on to be there and to love me unconditionally. I cannot imagine my life without seeing her sweet face first thing in the morning and the last thing at night.

    Anyway when I read your blog it hit me hard in the heart. I can totally relate. I am having her cremated and she will be buried with me when I pass over. Wouldn’t have it any other way.

    It is wonderful how an animal can change your world Robert, but you already know that. Thanks so much for sharing this about Taylor. I won’t forget reading it, although I couldn’t get through it without many tears. For you and for me.

    I bought one of your prints today, a signed and numbered 10/250 Rackhell which I fell in love with. Believe it or not, she showed up at our local Goodwill store, still in what appears your original wrapping. There was another signed, numbered mermaid print (can’t remember the name) but it had become damaged. I didn’t pay much for Rackhell but let me tell you this…she is priceless and that picture was meant to be found by me today as I know my Maggie’s time is close. I needed to read your story about Taylor because it will help me ease through my pain and to realize I am not the only one that loves their dog like no other and will never forget the many joys she has brought into my life. If I hadn’t found Rackhell I never would have found your story.

    Just wanted to share this with you Robert. By the way I absolutely love your work. If I could afford an original picture instead of a print I would purchase one in a heartbeat. I love art. You do outstanding and very unique work! You definitely have a new fan!

    If you ever get around Racine, WI. in that Winnie I’d love to see your art in person.

    Take care Robert and please stay well.

    Blessings,
    Linda

  3. diana March 17, 2012 at 7:12 pm #

    i pet that dog!!!: ‘(

  4. Mom March 2, 2012 at 7:21 pm #

    As I read this I thought about everything you said, and just how much she was and how empty a part of you becomes, it does get easier with time,Tay was and will always be a member of our family, and will be thought of throughout our remaining days fondly and with laughter she was like no other dog and yes she was a little crazy but that’s what made her our Tay,I think it is appropriate that your first blog be about something that made such a huge impact on your life, It’s a great tribute to a great friend.

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